Week 3 Weigh In (Day 22)

11/03/09
Day 22 of 182

Well. my worst fear has been realized this morning. I knew that this was a possibility and I tried my hardest to prepare myself, but I guess that I didn't honestly believe that it would happen: I gained .5 lbs. My first feeling was pure shock. I got off of the scale and back on, just in case I wasn't standing just right or I don't know, maybe I did something wrong. I got back on.
243 lbs!!!!
WTF?!?!?!?

Prior to my weigh in, thanks to the suggestion of my husband and my mother-in-law, I took my measurements. I had lost the following
1" (each bicep)
1.5" (each thigh)
1" (each calve)
2"(bust)
1" (hips)
1" (waist)
Total inches lost in 3 weeks: 11"

After I picked up my clothes and a shred of my dignity from the floor, I immediately called Mommy and started bawling. I can't even begin to describe the feelings of agony, frustration and heart ache that I felt and still feel as I write this; Defeat, Failure, Angry, and a good degree of self loathing, I believe that begins to somewhat define it.

I guess that I am having a definite heart vs. head dilemma here. I KNOW that 11 inches is a lot to lose in three weeks, I KNOW this, but this scale thing has got me frazzled. I can't really understand why the number concerns me to this extent! It has got me second guessing myself, my goals and my progress; each time pealing back some of my confidence and leaving me raw.
I realize that the exercise component has been in gear for three weeks now, which is a relatively small amount of time, it's just that I have read over and over lower calories with higher output equals weight loss. Not exactly a hard scientific fact in my opinion.

So here I am, beginning of week four, a little more than 1/10th of the way through and working through a battle of logic vs. emotion. In the moment, it feels as though emotion has the upper hand, but logic is already beginning to come from behind and become victorious.

Second day back to work, last night was hard. When you are surrounded by terrible, high fat, high sodium delicious food and you are starving, it is very hard to turn a blind eye toward temptation. Here is to another up hill evening.

Activity
2.2 mile walk
8 hours of restaurant work ( I count it because it is damn hard work and very physical)

Meals
1 slice whole wheat toast with 1 tbsp peanut butter
2 cups coffee
8 oz protein drink
1 foot long subway tuna sandwich (split up into two meals no mayo)
cup apple sauce
Odwalla granola bar
bag baked lays
8 oz Gatorade
small salad
large iced tea