Day 90

1/10/2010
Day 90 of 182

So, I guess technically, tomorrow was supposed to be my weigh in day. If you read my blog yesterday, you already know that I have lost 28 inches!! Nearly two and a half feet of FAT from my body! I am very excited about my progress, but scared to see my actual weight for some reason. Mostly, I have been able to separate my logical mind from my emotional heart that seems to be fixated on a certain number.

When I was thirteen years old, I was recruited to do some modeling. At that time, I was 5'8" tall and weighed around 135. The agency told me that I needed to lose 5 to 10 lbs. "Allow 100 lbs for the first five feet of height, then an additional five lbs per inch." I was already thin and lanky and the thought of having even SMALLER boobs then my already nonexistent ones did not seem like a real alternative. That number, that idealistic estimation of "perfection" has stuck with me. The truth is that it is unrealistic and my mind knows this, but for some reason, I still reflect on math.

As women, we are bombarded by the perfect body, from your Barbie doll, to every fashion magazine out there. My first models that I admired were models such as Christie Brinkly or Iman, and later, Tyra Banks and, for some reason, I can't remember the name of the well known model with the distinctive beauty mark. I recall thinking how FANTASTIC these women looked (then the notion that the camera adds 10 lbs) and wanted so much to emulate that.

I am postponing my weigh in for another two days. That is just the way it is. I don't want to ruin my current contentment of progress with the harsh reality of a number. It will just interfere. Focus on the good. The good gets you through. The bad just weighs you down.

Activity:
None

Meals
Life cereal with milk
7 oz salmon
small salad
6 oz pasta
veggies
whole wheat bread with butter
granola bar