100 days! An in depth account

1/20/2009
Day 100 of 182
I feel, as the creator of this blog that I can't be honest with you about my current plight, my current demons, my current ghosts or motivations without admitting some of my most difficult and challenging life obstacles. This material is by far the most challenging to divulge.
One hundred days down, eighty two days left, but I would like to bring my journey back to day one or two or three....those days in my exercise journey that were absolutely torturous and taxing in ways both physically well as well as psychologically. It involves the reconciliation of my past self, my current self and future staff, especially involving the integration of my most unstable self.

It has become quite clear that the many burdens that I have allowed myself to carry throughout my life have manifested themselves thoroughly and it is through these uncomfortable mediums that I have allowed them to weigh heavily on my heart and thereby affecting my personal self worth and contributing to my personal goals and what I allow myself to achieve as well as what I feel I am entitled to. I have allowed these feelings to affect my life and nature for far too long.

Around age 6, perhaps 7, I had a pretty stable home. Although my bio-dad was not around, I fortunately an incredible adoptive father, and although he was an alcoholic, he was loving caring and selfless by nature. My mom was a single mother of two by age 21 and it was important to her that my brother and I have a father figure.

Growing up in an alcoholic home was less than easy, but I have an immeasurable amount of great memories, but to be fair I also have a fair amount of regret and resentment. That aside, I was also sexually abused for several years of my youth by individuals whom I trusted implicitly. It is no wonder I struggle with my own set of personal demons and place a lot of the weight of my self worth and expectations upon circumstances of which I can not control.

But I think the point is growth and with the help of my family, some therapy, time and currently, my own personal journey of finding self worth and actualization, I will find some healing.

This blog is "Desperately Seeking Healthy" which so far has focused on physical health, but it is clear that emotional as well as psychological health is imperative as well.

Thanks for reading

Activity
5 miles
Upper Body Strength Training

Meals
Cereal with milk
protein bar
16 oz Gatorade
8 oz protein drink
Fish Sandwich
Granola Bar
1/2 grilled Cheese
Avocado
1 beer